Today in particular I really began to understand how difficult it can be to blend families. There are so many obstacles to overcome with our own personal feelings, friends, families, the kids. There are so many things to consider and to work through. I really appreciated our guest speaker today and the insights that she shared with us. Brother Williams played a song by Brad Paisley about a boy and his single mother getting married again. He described what his father was for him and that he didn't have to be half of what he was. Then he goes on to say that he hopes he can be half the father that his father was to him. This song was incredibly powerful to me because there are so many challenges to overcome when blending families and then to be able to move past that into so much more is so amazing.
My sister is in a blended family right now and I look at her husband and hope that my sisters kids will be able to say that to him one day. Their biological father probably never should have been a father which has been so hard to see them deal with. I appreciate the man my sister married and that he tries to be a good father to them. It is so great to see families overcoming the obstacles that can often break a new family apart.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
Parenting
For as long as I can remember I have thought about having my own kids and what things will work with them. I can remember when I was 11-12 years old checking out books from the library about working with children. Then I would take them and read them and copy them at my dad's office. I would put them into folders so that I could keep them and use them when I had children.
Now that I am married and the possibility of having children is quite real now I still have that passion for children. I love learning about children and what things will work with them. My greatest desire for as long as I can remember is to be a good mother. Except, now that being a parent is so close to reality I am terrified--a feeling I don't really remember having when I was younger. Of course, we always doubt our abilities to perform and for me I worry about my qualities and what things I will teach my children. I still have that deep desire to be a mother. I feel like a lot of the things I have been through in my life so far have helped me gain the qualities and knowledge I needed to be a mother and to help my future children.
I love learning in my classes different strategies and ideas to help discipline children and how we can really master the idea of parenthood--to teach our children to become independent and worthy. In another class I am taking we have discussed that parenthood is an apprenticeship to Godhood. It is how we learn to become like God because he is our Heavenly Father and we are all His children therefore we must learn what it is like to be a parent. This ultimately teaches us to become like God. When you think of parenting in this way I think it changes your perspective about it. It helps us to want to raise our children in the way Heavenly Father raises us and teaches us. It also helps us to build our character so that we can become like God. What an incredible blessing HF has given us!
For as long as I can remember I have thought about having my own kids and what things will work with them. I can remember when I was 11-12 years old checking out books from the library about working with children. Then I would take them and read them and copy them at my dad's office. I would put them into folders so that I could keep them and use them when I had children.
Now that I am married and the possibility of having children is quite real now I still have that passion for children. I love learning about children and what things will work with them. My greatest desire for as long as I can remember is to be a good mother. Except, now that being a parent is so close to reality I am terrified--a feeling I don't really remember having when I was younger. Of course, we always doubt our abilities to perform and for me I worry about my qualities and what things I will teach my children. I still have that deep desire to be a mother. I feel like a lot of the things I have been through in my life so far have helped me gain the qualities and knowledge I needed to be a mother and to help my future children.
I love learning in my classes different strategies and ideas to help discipline children and how we can really master the idea of parenthood--to teach our children to become independent and worthy. In another class I am taking we have discussed that parenthood is an apprenticeship to Godhood. It is how we learn to become like God because he is our Heavenly Father and we are all His children therefore we must learn what it is like to be a parent. This ultimately teaches us to become like God. When you think of parenting in this way I think it changes your perspective about it. It helps us to want to raise our children in the way Heavenly Father raises us and teaches us. It also helps us to build our character so that we can become like God. What an incredible blessing HF has given us!
Monday, November 21, 2011
I thought our discussion today in class was interesting. We were learning about finances but we integrated that into the family systems theory. We discussed different ways that finances can affect all the members in the family. One part of the discussion that I really liked was when we were talking about ways that parents can involve their children in finances. I think that there comes a time when parents need to show their children where the money goes because I don't think children understand all the different expenses that come with living. I remember that growing up I didn't eve know what my parents were paying for all of my brothers missions. That is a huge expense and I knew nothing about it! So rather than simply telling children that we don't have money maybe show them that we pay the house bill, the car bill, insurance, food, medical, utilities, retirement, etc. Then they can see that money is coming in but by the time you pay for all the things you eat and the nice place you live then you have to budget and decide together where you want to spend your money.
I believe that this helps children so that they don't just resent that they parents don't have money but that they will be grateful for all the things their parents do for them. Even though some parents might have enough money to cover all these expenses and way more I still think it is important to show children where the money is going and all the things that you pay toward so they don't think that money just comes easily. They will see that it takes hard work.
I also liked today that Brother Williams pointed out that budgeting and finances allows married couples to sit down together to work out and make decisions. Without money being involved these skills wouldn't be learned. It is a great opportunity to learn to work together. I had never thought of it this way. Often I am overwhelmed by budgeting and finances and I don't look forward to talking about it, but now that I have a slightly different perspective about it maybe that can change. I love learning to work together with my husband and to learn to communicate effectively and I think learning to manage money is one way that we can do that together.
I believe that this helps children so that they don't just resent that they parents don't have money but that they will be grateful for all the things their parents do for them. Even though some parents might have enough money to cover all these expenses and way more I still think it is important to show children where the money is going and all the things that you pay toward so they don't think that money just comes easily. They will see that it takes hard work.
I also liked today that Brother Williams pointed out that budgeting and finances allows married couples to sit down together to work out and make decisions. Without money being involved these skills wouldn't be learned. It is a great opportunity to learn to work together. I had never thought of it this way. Often I am overwhelmed by budgeting and finances and I don't look forward to talking about it, but now that I have a slightly different perspective about it maybe that can change. I love learning to work together with my husband and to learn to communicate effectively and I think learning to manage money is one way that we can do that together.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Communication
This week we have been discussing communication. Communication is vital in families and it must start with the husband and wife in marriage.
In my family growing up we didn’t communicate a lot. I talked with my mom a lot about things that were going on with me and I was able to talk to her pretty easy unless there was a problem. If there was a problem in the family that’s when communication stopped which is ironic because that is when it should be the strongest. I remember when my older siblings were going through a lot of problems in their marriages all of us kids knew that something was wrong but my parents rarely said anything about it to us. If we asked they shrugged it off and would kind of sweep it under a rug. It was so frustrating to me to not be able to talk about things and to not be able to simply discuss it with my parents. I craved to be able to talk openly and ask questions about things I didn’t understand and to receive support from them but it didn’t happen.
It was always a pet peeve of mine that we didn’t talk. I hated it. I felt that it brought a barrier between my parents and us. I especially seemed to have a problem with it because I seek to have open communication and to know what is going on. It makes me feel better than to be left in the dark. I can think of countless times that I tried to talk to my mom about things but she never responded much. When I got older we were able to talk a little more but there is still a point where I know she’s not going to go past. It’s sad to me that we can’t get past that point too. We can talk about anything unless it’s a sensitive or upsetting problem. Then the doors close.
With my children I want to do something different. We always talk about how if we aren’t aware of things we’ll do the same as our family did. I have become aware of this and I want to make a change for my family. I try to do it now with my husband but it’s hard because all I’ve really seen is to just let things go unsaid and act as if they aren’t there. Sometimes I don’t want to bring things up with my husband but I remember my ultimate goal of how I want my family to be. That always keeps me going and helps me to make changes.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Family Crisis
In my family we have been through a lot of crisis. Some of which has brought us closer together but I realized something as I was thinking about my relationship with my parents and my relationship with my siblings during each crisis.
First, my parents handled each one I think through avoidance. They didn't talk to us about the problems and they never told us the details. When something was going on it's almost if they were saying it didn't exist for us kids. They were figuring things out but we knew nothing. I'm sure that they thought they were helping us by not getting us involved or caught up but we all knew when something wasn't right with the family. It was worse to wonder in confusion and by ourselves than it would have been to have the support of our parents helping us to understand each situation.
I didn't really talk to my siblings much either when things were going on because our only example was to not talk but later I have talked to them about the things that happened in our family. We were able to open up and express our feelings about many things which has really helped me to grow closer to them. Then when things continue to come up in our family I always feel like I can go to my siblings and talk to them. It's very comforting. Unfortunately with my parents I don't really feel the same way. When we continue to have different problems come I still don't feel like I can talk to my parents and they still avoid the problems with us. It's hard to see them do that to us because it put a barrier between the kids and them.
Now that I have seen that example I have promised myself that I will talk to my children about things. In my marriage right now I try to discuss all the necessary things that come up so that we can be open with each other. I want to do the same with my kids. As we have also been talking this week it is important to build those skills while nothing has happened so that when problems rise we can have a strong foundation to fall back on. I think that is vital. My husband and I are working on it every day, which it takes that kind of work. It doesn't just happen and when you don't do something to change the examples you've had you'll fall back into that same pattern as your parents or family. I don't want to do this so I'm glad that I'm aware and I can do something to change it.
First, my parents handled each one I think through avoidance. They didn't talk to us about the problems and they never told us the details. When something was going on it's almost if they were saying it didn't exist for us kids. They were figuring things out but we knew nothing. I'm sure that they thought they were helping us by not getting us involved or caught up but we all knew when something wasn't right with the family. It was worse to wonder in confusion and by ourselves than it would have been to have the support of our parents helping us to understand each situation.
I didn't really talk to my siblings much either when things were going on because our only example was to not talk but later I have talked to them about the things that happened in our family. We were able to open up and express our feelings about many things which has really helped me to grow closer to them. Then when things continue to come up in our family I always feel like I can go to my siblings and talk to them. It's very comforting. Unfortunately with my parents I don't really feel the same way. When we continue to have different problems come I still don't feel like I can talk to my parents and they still avoid the problems with us. It's hard to see them do that to us because it put a barrier between the kids and them.
Now that I have seen that example I have promised myself that I will talk to my children about things. In my marriage right now I try to discuss all the necessary things that come up so that we can be open with each other. I want to do the same with my kids. As we have also been talking this week it is important to build those skills while nothing has happened so that when problems rise we can have a strong foundation to fall back on. I think that is vital. My husband and I are working on it every day, which it takes that kind of work. It doesn't just happen and when you don't do something to change the examples you've had you'll fall back into that same pattern as your parents or family. I don't want to do this so I'm glad that I'm aware and I can do something to change it.
Friday, November 4, 2011
This week we discussed marital intimacy. There were many points that were brought up that I had never thought about before. First we were discussing Satan and how he uses sex as temptation before marriage. He urges and does everything he can to get couples to mess up and to take things too far so that they can't go to the temple to be married. After marriage though the roles switch. He tries to keep husband and wives away from intimacy and tries to bring frustration and negative thoughts with it.
Obviously marital intimacy has an important role or Satan would not use such energy to destroy something that can be so beautiful. In marriage it can bring a couple together in a way that nothing else can. It gives that couple the power to procreate and to become parents. Parenthood is our work here on earth for Godhood in the eternities. When you begin to understand the power and plan that is set out it is no wonder that Satan is doing all he can to ruin things.
I think being aware that Satan will do all in his power to stop us from having this power and working to become like Gods is vital to understand. Then when problems arise, when frustration occurs, when feelings are misunderstood, we can remember that Satan is doing all he can to break us apart. When we realize that we can think more logically and try to understand what lies behind the problems we are faced with.
Marital intimacy has such an important role in marriage. I think it is so important to realize that it doesn't go smoothly at first. We shouldn't feel like everything must be perfect in the way that husband and wife interact with each other on a variety of levels including emotional, social, spiritual, and physical. I think the best thing you can do is to keep working at it together always having open communication so that Satan can't place negative thoughts in your head and keep you apart from each other.
Obviously marital intimacy has an important role or Satan would not use such energy to destroy something that can be so beautiful. In marriage it can bring a couple together in a way that nothing else can. It gives that couple the power to procreate and to become parents. Parenthood is our work here on earth for Godhood in the eternities. When you begin to understand the power and plan that is set out it is no wonder that Satan is doing all he can to ruin things.
I think being aware that Satan will do all in his power to stop us from having this power and working to become like Gods is vital to understand. Then when problems arise, when frustration occurs, when feelings are misunderstood, we can remember that Satan is doing all he can to break us apart. When we realize that we can think more logically and try to understand what lies behind the problems we are faced with.
Marital intimacy has such an important role in marriage. I think it is so important to realize that it doesn't go smoothly at first. We shouldn't feel like everything must be perfect in the way that husband and wife interact with each other on a variety of levels including emotional, social, spiritual, and physical. I think the best thing you can do is to keep working at it together always having open communication so that Satan can't place negative thoughts in your head and keep you apart from each other.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Transitions to Marriage
This week we have been talking about the transitions to marriage. I think it is an important subject to discuss because once you are married you don't know how to transition all your own. That knowledge that you need you have to learn and understand and make an effort to make marriage great.
I have been married now for 2 months so the information that we have discussed this week has been so helpful. I have had so many questions since I've gotten married about ways that I can improve. There have been many things that I haven't understood about the way my husband and I are interacting or the way we are communicating that I understand a lot better.
We discussed the different things that newlyweds need to be working on.
-building a foundation
-learning how to resolve conflict
-communication
-establishing roles
I think that talking about how you will resolve conflict is really important because when conflicts arise if you haven't talked about it you do what comes naturally. In a marriage I think it is vital to think about all aspects and to not let what comes natural to happen. When that happens I think that husband and wife can hurt each other's feelings and build patterns and habits that they don't want to but they do so without realizing it. If we talk about all aspects within our marriage and what results we want to have then we can be proactive about building the patterns and habits we want to build for life.
This is important also to build a strong marriage because when kids come the marriage will remain strong. Marital satisfaction doesn't have to decrease when children come but I think the way we handle that is a lot of effort on the husband and wife before the kids come. We can't sit around and expect to have a great marriage and a great family without any effort on our part!
I have been married now for 2 months so the information that we have discussed this week has been so helpful. I have had so many questions since I've gotten married about ways that I can improve. There have been many things that I haven't understood about the way my husband and I are interacting or the way we are communicating that I understand a lot better.
We discussed the different things that newlyweds need to be working on.
-building a foundation
-learning how to resolve conflict
-communication
-establishing roles
I think that talking about how you will resolve conflict is really important because when conflicts arise if you haven't talked about it you do what comes naturally. In a marriage I think it is vital to think about all aspects and to not let what comes natural to happen. When that happens I think that husband and wife can hurt each other's feelings and build patterns and habits that they don't want to but they do so without realizing it. If we talk about all aspects within our marriage and what results we want to have then we can be proactive about building the patterns and habits we want to build for life.
This is important also to build a strong marriage because when kids come the marriage will remain strong. Marital satisfaction doesn't have to decrease when children come but I think the way we handle that is a lot of effort on the husband and wife before the kids come. We can't sit around and expect to have a great marriage and a great family without any effort on our part!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
This week as we have been talking about dating and what love is, it has been interesting for me to make connections within my own dating experiences and within my marriage that apply to this. My husband and I have known each other since our freshman year so for about seven years now. In high school we were best friends and there was rarely a time that we weren't together. I felt like I could confide in him and tell him anything. The greatest thing was the level of trust that we built with each other. I trusted him so much and I knew that he would never hurt me like so many guys had in my life. I loved doing everything with him. We dated a little in high school and there were some feelings toward each other but it never amounted to anything and we continued to be best friends. Then my husband (or at the time my best friend) left on a mission so we wrote each other pretty much every week for two years. When he came home I wasn't expecting anything but when we saw each other things started right away.
I would attribute that to a couple things. First, I had been heartbroken during the time that he was gone from a previous boyfriend and from that point on I felt I couldn't trust anyone. Second, when Cameron came home our sense of friendship and caring for each other was very evident and had increased since he left. We were so much apart of each other's lives we wanted the best for one another. There was an obvious love from a friend standpoint. When he came home and all those things were present and we were at a point where we could turn that love into something more it happened just that way. I knew I could trust him and because of the strong foundation we had built for years on trust, friendship, caring, kindness, devotion, and loyalty when we began dating everything worked so well. I was completely in love with him and felt so comfortable and safe.
The things I've just described seems to be the ideal way to love someone. We have that basis of friendship and caring about the other that we are able to love one another now in a whole different way. I can't describe how amazing it is to have a relationship like that. Not everyone gets the chance to marry their best friend, and I really mean their best friend before there was any love interest. It's been an incredible blessing in my life to have a friend and now husband like I do. For me, it worked out the best this way for my personality and things that could have been harder another way. There is a caring and loving Heavenly Father behind this I know.
So stating that example was not to brag or boast, but to help me understand the levels of love. I didn't understand these things when I was in high school and I think often I misattributed my feelings for love when they had nothing to do with that. Now that I understand these things better I hope to be a source for friends and family that need it but ultimately my children. I hope to help them understand these things so that maybe they can avoid some heartache (not all) and can have healthy relationships that prepare them for marriage.
I would attribute that to a couple things. First, I had been heartbroken during the time that he was gone from a previous boyfriend and from that point on I felt I couldn't trust anyone. Second, when Cameron came home our sense of friendship and caring for each other was very evident and had increased since he left. We were so much apart of each other's lives we wanted the best for one another. There was an obvious love from a friend standpoint. When he came home and all those things were present and we were at a point where we could turn that love into something more it happened just that way. I knew I could trust him and because of the strong foundation we had built for years on trust, friendship, caring, kindness, devotion, and loyalty when we began dating everything worked so well. I was completely in love with him and felt so comfortable and safe.
The things I've just described seems to be the ideal way to love someone. We have that basis of friendship and caring about the other that we are able to love one another now in a whole different way. I can't describe how amazing it is to have a relationship like that. Not everyone gets the chance to marry their best friend, and I really mean their best friend before there was any love interest. It's been an incredible blessing in my life to have a friend and now husband like I do. For me, it worked out the best this way for my personality and things that could have been harder another way. There is a caring and loving Heavenly Father behind this I know.
So stating that example was not to brag or boast, but to help me understand the levels of love. I didn't understand these things when I was in high school and I think often I misattributed my feelings for love when they had nothing to do with that. Now that I understand these things better I hope to be a source for friends and family that need it but ultimately my children. I hope to help them understand these things so that maybe they can avoid some heartache (not all) and can have healthy relationships that prepare them for marriage.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Gender and the different roles that men and women have is a very interesting topic. This week we have questioned typical behaviors of men and women and where those come from. First I want to say that I was interested in these topics before I was married but now that I am married this topics are crucial to understand in a marriage.
The first reason why I believe it is crucial to understand the other gender, why they do what they do, and what their roles are is because without that understanding you will not understand the reason for most of the arguements and issues that rise in marriage. I believe that sometimes we think that our spouses are bad or difficult or someone we can't work with anymore simply because we are having issues understanding where they are coming from because it is foreign to us.
For example I marriaged my best friend of seven years. I knew everything about him and he knew everything about me. We had been best friends so long and then fell in love that transitioning into marriage just seemed like the next step. After we were married though I realized that there were a lot of things that he did or said that I couldn't understand. I have dated a lot of dumb guys in the past so as I was pondering this I realized that the things I just couldn't understand weren't because he was a bad guy but simply because he was a guy. I have lived with my best girl friend for three years at college so it was difficult changing to living with my husband. He didn't do the things she would and he didn't pick up on my cues like my best friend used to. I had learned to work together with my best friend in cleaning and making meals and doing homework and once I was married I had to learn that all over again. It was just interesting to me because sometimes I expected my husband to do the things my best friend used to but then I remembered that my marriage was totally different. I learned and am still learning to transition to living with a man and ti figure out the way he did things so I could understand our relationship better.
Second, I believe that it is so important to understand the roles that each of us have and especially in our marriage. Once I got married I thought it was funny how quickly the roles for both of us became apparent. It was immediete, but the roles fit and it felt right the things that both of us were doing. As I noticed this I recognized a thoughtful and loving Heavenly Father whose plan is divine and who has given us divine roles to fill. It is part of His plan and those roles are glorious that He gave us. They are not useless and despised as the world often portrays them. I am grateful to be apart of such a plan because it feels so right and I am grateful that I get to be apart of something so great.
The first reason why I believe it is crucial to understand the other gender, why they do what they do, and what their roles are is because without that understanding you will not understand the reason for most of the arguements and issues that rise in marriage. I believe that sometimes we think that our spouses are bad or difficult or someone we can't work with anymore simply because we are having issues understanding where they are coming from because it is foreign to us.
For example I marriaged my best friend of seven years. I knew everything about him and he knew everything about me. We had been best friends so long and then fell in love that transitioning into marriage just seemed like the next step. After we were married though I realized that there were a lot of things that he did or said that I couldn't understand. I have dated a lot of dumb guys in the past so as I was pondering this I realized that the things I just couldn't understand weren't because he was a bad guy but simply because he was a guy. I have lived with my best girl friend for three years at college so it was difficult changing to living with my husband. He didn't do the things she would and he didn't pick up on my cues like my best friend used to. I had learned to work together with my best friend in cleaning and making meals and doing homework and once I was married I had to learn that all over again. It was just interesting to me because sometimes I expected my husband to do the things my best friend used to but then I remembered that my marriage was totally different. I learned and am still learning to transition to living with a man and ti figure out the way he did things so I could understand our relationship better.
Second, I believe that it is so important to understand the roles that each of us have and especially in our marriage. Once I got married I thought it was funny how quickly the roles for both of us became apparent. It was immediete, but the roles fit and it felt right the things that both of us were doing. As I noticed this I recognized a thoughtful and loving Heavenly Father whose plan is divine and who has given us divine roles to fill. It is part of His plan and those roles are glorious that He gave us. They are not useless and despised as the world often portrays them. I am grateful to be apart of such a plan because it feels so right and I am grateful that I get to be apart of something so great.
Friday, October 7, 2011
I have really liked learning about diversity and cultures in class this week. We discussed all the things that can make up different diversity in families and there are many ways that can occur. Brother Williams asked the question why are we learning about diversity and culture in this class? I think learning about those things gives great insight into families and why they do what they do.
For example this last May I went to Africa with my brother to do humanitaritan work. We were there for just over 5 weeks and then we went on to visit London and Paris on the way home. This experience completely changed my view and perspective of families and especially my family. As I saw families in Africa do certain things it would cause me to look at my family and our traditions and rules and I began to understand them a lot better. Although what the families in Africa were doing seemed so foreign to me I didn't understand how they could live like that at first, but then I realized that they didn't know any different just as I didn't know any different until I left my country. I don't believe that there is any complete right or wrong for the ways families do things. Our culture is the greatest influence on how we act and think I believe. Even after being in Africa for only 5 weeks the way I did things started to change. For example washing my clothes by hand and hanging them up to dry was just the way you did your laundry and taking a bucket shower every day wasn't so absurd after awhile. I looked forward to those bucket showers! My showers were al least with hot water and I knew a lot of people that only had cold water. So I began to think that the way that my family in America did things wasn't absolutely right it was just the way that we had grown up and the things that we had learned how to do.
I strongly believe that culture plays a large part in the way families act and behave. So as we study cultures and diversity and how those can be different in different cultures I think it can really help us to understand why families gain traditions, set rules, have certain roles, etc. Without understanding those things we would never be able to really understand a family. I think it is just like the family systemss theory. We can't fully understand an individual by looking at the individual by himself we have to look at the whole family to understand. I think it is the same way with culture and family. We have to understand their culture to understand the family.
For example this last May I went to Africa with my brother to do humanitaritan work. We were there for just over 5 weeks and then we went on to visit London and Paris on the way home. This experience completely changed my view and perspective of families and especially my family. As I saw families in Africa do certain things it would cause me to look at my family and our traditions and rules and I began to understand them a lot better. Although what the families in Africa were doing seemed so foreign to me I didn't understand how they could live like that at first, but then I realized that they didn't know any different just as I didn't know any different until I left my country. I don't believe that there is any complete right or wrong for the ways families do things. Our culture is the greatest influence on how we act and think I believe. Even after being in Africa for only 5 weeks the way I did things started to change. For example washing my clothes by hand and hanging them up to dry was just the way you did your laundry and taking a bucket shower every day wasn't so absurd after awhile. I looked forward to those bucket showers! My showers were al least with hot water and I knew a lot of people that only had cold water. So I began to think that the way that my family in America did things wasn't absolutely right it was just the way that we had grown up and the things that we had learned how to do.
I strongly believe that culture plays a large part in the way families act and behave. So as we study cultures and diversity and how those can be different in different cultures I think it can really help us to understand why families gain traditions, set rules, have certain roles, etc. Without understanding those things we would never be able to really understand a family. I think it is just like the family systemss theory. We can't fully understand an individual by looking at the individual by himself we have to look at the whole family to understand. I think it is the same way with culture and family. We have to understand their culture to understand the family.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
This week learning about different theories of the family has been really interesting. As we have talked about each of the theories I understood myself and my family better and the things that we were doing. I thought oh that's why my mom or dad do this or that is why I do that when something happens. Theories are a great way to understand why people do what they do. They aren't laws or set in stone because what people do changes from person to person. So theories about these different things is a great way to understand the family better.
I also really liked our discussion on the family systems. I like the idea of the need to look at the family as a whole. I think often times it is so easy to look at an indivdual and place judgements or ideas about why they are acting the way that they are but without looking at their home life and what their family is like we can be very wrong about our assumptions.
Also, as we learned about sub-sets as part of the family systems theory I began to think about all the sub-sets in my family. I had never really understood before why we divided the way we did or chose to do things with certain siblings but after the idea of sub-sets I understood this much better. For instance my family has always put three of my siblings together and then the other three together. We divided them that way for a lot of reasons like the things we like to do, the way we think, the way we eat, the way we look a-like. We've always had this sub-set for as long as I can remember so learning about it helped me to understand my family better. I love all of my family but I do tend to relate and connect more with some of my siblings than the others.
Today we talked about family rules and the ones that we follow the most can sometimes be the unwritten or unspoken rules. In my family that was definately the case. They were the things that drove me crazy growing up. For example we didn't talk about somethings in my family like family problems or intimacy or anything like that. They were taboo subjects. I hated not being able to talk to them about these things because growing up I would have liked to talk to them and ask them questions about what was going on in our family.
I think it's really important to be aware of the unpoken rules that we have in our family. They can be positive or negative but if they are unspoken then children may not feel like they can talk to their parents about it. That is how I felt as a child and teenager and I didn't like it. So in my family I want to take a step back and make sure that I am realizing what those rules are and I want to make sure they are positive.
I also really liked our discussion on the family systems. I like the idea of the need to look at the family as a whole. I think often times it is so easy to look at an indivdual and place judgements or ideas about why they are acting the way that they are but without looking at their home life and what their family is like we can be very wrong about our assumptions.
Also, as we learned about sub-sets as part of the family systems theory I began to think about all the sub-sets in my family. I had never really understood before why we divided the way we did or chose to do things with certain siblings but after the idea of sub-sets I understood this much better. For instance my family has always put three of my siblings together and then the other three together. We divided them that way for a lot of reasons like the things we like to do, the way we think, the way we eat, the way we look a-like. We've always had this sub-set for as long as I can remember so learning about it helped me to understand my family better. I love all of my family but I do tend to relate and connect more with some of my siblings than the others.
Today we talked about family rules and the ones that we follow the most can sometimes be the unwritten or unspoken rules. In my family that was definately the case. They were the things that drove me crazy growing up. For example we didn't talk about somethings in my family like family problems or intimacy or anything like that. They were taboo subjects. I hated not being able to talk to them about these things because growing up I would have liked to talk to them and ask them questions about what was going on in our family.
I think it's really important to be aware of the unpoken rules that we have in our family. They can be positive or negative but if they are unspoken then children may not feel like they can talk to their parents about it. That is how I felt as a child and teenager and I didn't like it. So in my family I want to take a step back and make sure that I am realizing what those rules are and I want to make sure they are positive.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Research
This week we have been talking a lot about research. I think it is critical to understand research because most of the facts we hear about or the text we read is from research that someone has done and is now portraying to the world. We need to be able to tell if that research can be trusted or not.
Earlier this week we were discussing certain issues of the family and deciding if we thought they were a critical issue, a significant issue, or if they didn't matter. Here are a few we talked about: getting married later in life, having fewer children, etc. I have somewhat of a mixed opinion on these two topics. At first I said that they were critical and I still believe that they are in a gospel sense. If we get married later in life which ultimately leads to having children later in life than we are prolonging the Lord's plan. Getting married and having children is the most important part of his plan so I do see this as critical when people decide it isn't very important or it can wait after they have done what they want to do. But on the other side, some may not feel ready to get married and even after they are married the idea of having children can be terrifying. So how long do you give yourself to feel better about those things? Or do you just blindly follow what we have been told and take our fear out of the equation? I think that both of those aren't quite the answer.
For instance, I just got married a month ago and the idea of having kids really scares me. Although now that I'm married that desire seems to be stronger and stronger as time goew on yet, it is still scary. So sometimes I want to just wait until I feel ready, but what if I never feel ready? On that exception I've just allowed myself to justify not having children. So just have children as soon as possible? I don't think that is the best idea. I need to feel confident that I can handle that because if I don't I think having children will make marriage and family a lot harder than it has to be.
I think the answer to this is that we need to be preparing to do these things that the Lord has commanded us to do. I don't feel ready, but that shouldn't stop me from reading talks, books, articles, and talking to family and friends to learn all that I can. That shouldn't stop me from praying, reading, pondering, and fasting to be able to follow the Lord's plan for me in the timing that he has set for me. I think these issues are critical but each of us needs to pray and discover the individual plans that the Lord has set out for us.
Earlier this week we were discussing certain issues of the family and deciding if we thought they were a critical issue, a significant issue, or if they didn't matter. Here are a few we talked about: getting married later in life, having fewer children, etc. I have somewhat of a mixed opinion on these two topics. At first I said that they were critical and I still believe that they are in a gospel sense. If we get married later in life which ultimately leads to having children later in life than we are prolonging the Lord's plan. Getting married and having children is the most important part of his plan so I do see this as critical when people decide it isn't very important or it can wait after they have done what they want to do. But on the other side, some may not feel ready to get married and even after they are married the idea of having children can be terrifying. So how long do you give yourself to feel better about those things? Or do you just blindly follow what we have been told and take our fear out of the equation? I think that both of those aren't quite the answer.
For instance, I just got married a month ago and the idea of having kids really scares me. Although now that I'm married that desire seems to be stronger and stronger as time goew on yet, it is still scary. So sometimes I want to just wait until I feel ready, but what if I never feel ready? On that exception I've just allowed myself to justify not having children. So just have children as soon as possible? I don't think that is the best idea. I need to feel confident that I can handle that because if I don't I think having children will make marriage and family a lot harder than it has to be.
I think the answer to this is that we need to be preparing to do these things that the Lord has commanded us to do. I don't feel ready, but that shouldn't stop me from reading talks, books, articles, and talking to family and friends to learn all that I can. That shouldn't stop me from praying, reading, pondering, and fasting to be able to follow the Lord's plan for me in the timing that he has set for me. I think these issues are critical but each of us needs to pray and discover the individual plans that the Lord has set out for us.
Madison Busenbarkhttp://madisenb-fam.blogspot.com/
Jaclyn Keenerhttp://jaclynkeenerthefamily.blogspot.com/
Amanda Delgadohttp://mrsadelgado.blogspot.com/
Jaclyn Keenerhttp://jaclynkeenerthefamily.blogspot.com/
Amanda Delgadohttp://mrsadelgado.blogspot.com/
Jennifer Schlegelmilch
Brighton Fieldinghttp://brightonfamilyrelations.blogspot.com/
Rachel Soderquist http://sunny-mayrae.blogspot.com/
Meagan Iviehttp://theivieplace.blogspot.com/
Mike Merrillhttp://guesswhatilearnedrecently.blogspot.com/
Maddie Prows http://maddiesfamilyrelations.blogspot.com/
Rebecca Ard http://beccaard.blogspot.com/
Rachel Soderquist http://sunny-mayrae.blogspot.com/
Meagan Iviehttp://theivieplace.blogspot.com/
Mike Merrillhttp://guesswhatilearnedrecently.blogspot.com/
Maddie Prows http://maddiesfamilyrelations.blogspot.com/
Rebecca Ard http://beccaard.blogspot.com/
Monday, September 19, 2011
Thoughts on our topics in class
Just to start off I'll tell you a little about myself. My name is Merrilee Leslie. I just got married a little over three weeks ago. It is absolutely incredible being married. I love it, but I must say it brings you to a whole different world that you were living in when you were single. It's different but it is so amazing. I get to have someone by my side all the time and we work together to strengthen our testimonies and to increase our knowledge and to come to know God. I can't think of anything better than that. I'm excited to take this course and to learn ways that I can strengthen my marriage and to boot out the selfish part of me that I could keep when I was single.
Here are my thoughts from last week:
This last week in class we have discussed a lot of things that we want to cover in class. As I was sitting there listening to everyone name things that they would like to study in this course my mind would ver off and I would think about the topics they stated. One of the things someone mentioned wanting to learn about was when we get married how much should we isolate ourselves from our friends and maybe even our family. I though this question was interesting and because I just got married I too wanted to know the answer. Both my husband and I have families that live close and they are very supportive and very involved. Family is an amazing thing and I don't know what I would do without them. But, now that I'm married even my family has a different role in my life. Growing up whenever I needed to talk or had a problem I went to my mom. I've been doing that ever since. Now that I"m married though it changes that. Every time I need to talk or have a concern I still want to call my mom but I try to remember that I need to talk to my husband first. That willingness to go to him instead of her opens doors of communication and it brings us closer.
Next, I'm extremely close to my sisters. When things are difficult I want to call them and talk to them too. The transition to marriage isn't the easiest thing in the world. I still have a lot of desires to do things the way I want them or the way I used to do them. I often want to have my husband do things the way I do because then I think that everything would run smoother. Maybe it would maybe it wouldn't, but that desire to want things a certain way makes things harder. I often want to call my sisters or my mom and discuss with them these things and what I should do. Honestly I don't know exactly where the line is. When should I call them? When should I talk to my husband? When should I just let it go? These are all interesting questions that no one really teaches you.
Now, books are my everything but to read them takes time and a willingness to ponder the things they say. Sometimes I want a quick answer so calling the family seems easier but maybe not the best choice.
Another thing that I wonder about is how much to involve our families in our decisions. Our families are always telling us things they think would be good or that we need to do but sometimes that bugs me because I want to talk to my husband about those things. I don't want other people to tell us that we should get a job or we should do certain things. I think those are things that my husband and I should discuss and then tell our families what we have decideded. Currently that isn't the case for us and it drives me crazy sometimes but I hope to be able to change that.
Here are my thoughts from last week:
This last week in class we have discussed a lot of things that we want to cover in class. As I was sitting there listening to everyone name things that they would like to study in this course my mind would ver off and I would think about the topics they stated. One of the things someone mentioned wanting to learn about was when we get married how much should we isolate ourselves from our friends and maybe even our family. I though this question was interesting and because I just got married I too wanted to know the answer. Both my husband and I have families that live close and they are very supportive and very involved. Family is an amazing thing and I don't know what I would do without them. But, now that I'm married even my family has a different role in my life. Growing up whenever I needed to talk or had a problem I went to my mom. I've been doing that ever since. Now that I"m married though it changes that. Every time I need to talk or have a concern I still want to call my mom but I try to remember that I need to talk to my husband first. That willingness to go to him instead of her opens doors of communication and it brings us closer.
Next, I'm extremely close to my sisters. When things are difficult I want to call them and talk to them too. The transition to marriage isn't the easiest thing in the world. I still have a lot of desires to do things the way I want them or the way I used to do them. I often want to have my husband do things the way I do because then I think that everything would run smoother. Maybe it would maybe it wouldn't, but that desire to want things a certain way makes things harder. I often want to call my sisters or my mom and discuss with them these things and what I should do. Honestly I don't know exactly where the line is. When should I call them? When should I talk to my husband? When should I just let it go? These are all interesting questions that no one really teaches you.
Now, books are my everything but to read them takes time and a willingness to ponder the things they say. Sometimes I want a quick answer so calling the family seems easier but maybe not the best choice.
Another thing that I wonder about is how much to involve our families in our decisions. Our families are always telling us things they think would be good or that we need to do but sometimes that bugs me because I want to talk to my husband about those things. I don't want other people to tell us that we should get a job or we should do certain things. I think those are things that my husband and I should discuss and then tell our families what we have decideded. Currently that isn't the case for us and it drives me crazy sometimes but I hope to be able to change that.
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