This week learning about different theories of the family has been really interesting. As we have talked about each of the theories I understood myself and my family better and the things that we were doing. I thought oh that's why my mom or dad do this or that is why I do that when something happens. Theories are a great way to understand why people do what they do. They aren't laws or set in stone because what people do changes from person to person. So theories about these different things is a great way to understand the family better.
I also really liked our discussion on the family systems. I like the idea of the need to look at the family as a whole. I think often times it is so easy to look at an indivdual and place judgements or ideas about why they are acting the way that they are but without looking at their home life and what their family is like we can be very wrong about our assumptions.
Also, as we learned about sub-sets as part of the family systems theory I began to think about all the sub-sets in my family. I had never really understood before why we divided the way we did or chose to do things with certain siblings but after the idea of sub-sets I understood this much better. For instance my family has always put three of my siblings together and then the other three together. We divided them that way for a lot of reasons like the things we like to do, the way we think, the way we eat, the way we look a-like. We've always had this sub-set for as long as I can remember so learning about it helped me to understand my family better. I love all of my family but I do tend to relate and connect more with some of my siblings than the others.
Today we talked about family rules and the ones that we follow the most can sometimes be the unwritten or unspoken rules. In my family that was definately the case. They were the things that drove me crazy growing up. For example we didn't talk about somethings in my family like family problems or intimacy or anything like that. They were taboo subjects. I hated not being able to talk to them about these things because growing up I would have liked to talk to them and ask them questions about what was going on in our family.
I think it's really important to be aware of the unpoken rules that we have in our family. They can be positive or negative but if they are unspoken then children may not feel like they can talk to their parents about it. That is how I felt as a child and teenager and I didn't like it. So in my family I want to take a step back and make sure that I am realizing what those rules are and I want to make sure they are positive.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Research
This week we have been talking a lot about research. I think it is critical to understand research because most of the facts we hear about or the text we read is from research that someone has done and is now portraying to the world. We need to be able to tell if that research can be trusted or not.
Earlier this week we were discussing certain issues of the family and deciding if we thought they were a critical issue, a significant issue, or if they didn't matter. Here are a few we talked about: getting married later in life, having fewer children, etc. I have somewhat of a mixed opinion on these two topics. At first I said that they were critical and I still believe that they are in a gospel sense. If we get married later in life which ultimately leads to having children later in life than we are prolonging the Lord's plan. Getting married and having children is the most important part of his plan so I do see this as critical when people decide it isn't very important or it can wait after they have done what they want to do. But on the other side, some may not feel ready to get married and even after they are married the idea of having children can be terrifying. So how long do you give yourself to feel better about those things? Or do you just blindly follow what we have been told and take our fear out of the equation? I think that both of those aren't quite the answer.
For instance, I just got married a month ago and the idea of having kids really scares me. Although now that I'm married that desire seems to be stronger and stronger as time goew on yet, it is still scary. So sometimes I want to just wait until I feel ready, but what if I never feel ready? On that exception I've just allowed myself to justify not having children. So just have children as soon as possible? I don't think that is the best idea. I need to feel confident that I can handle that because if I don't I think having children will make marriage and family a lot harder than it has to be.
I think the answer to this is that we need to be preparing to do these things that the Lord has commanded us to do. I don't feel ready, but that shouldn't stop me from reading talks, books, articles, and talking to family and friends to learn all that I can. That shouldn't stop me from praying, reading, pondering, and fasting to be able to follow the Lord's plan for me in the timing that he has set for me. I think these issues are critical but each of us needs to pray and discover the individual plans that the Lord has set out for us.
Earlier this week we were discussing certain issues of the family and deciding if we thought they were a critical issue, a significant issue, or if they didn't matter. Here are a few we talked about: getting married later in life, having fewer children, etc. I have somewhat of a mixed opinion on these two topics. At first I said that they were critical and I still believe that they are in a gospel sense. If we get married later in life which ultimately leads to having children later in life than we are prolonging the Lord's plan. Getting married and having children is the most important part of his plan so I do see this as critical when people decide it isn't very important or it can wait after they have done what they want to do. But on the other side, some may not feel ready to get married and even after they are married the idea of having children can be terrifying. So how long do you give yourself to feel better about those things? Or do you just blindly follow what we have been told and take our fear out of the equation? I think that both of those aren't quite the answer.
For instance, I just got married a month ago and the idea of having kids really scares me. Although now that I'm married that desire seems to be stronger and stronger as time goew on yet, it is still scary. So sometimes I want to just wait until I feel ready, but what if I never feel ready? On that exception I've just allowed myself to justify not having children. So just have children as soon as possible? I don't think that is the best idea. I need to feel confident that I can handle that because if I don't I think having children will make marriage and family a lot harder than it has to be.
I think the answer to this is that we need to be preparing to do these things that the Lord has commanded us to do. I don't feel ready, but that shouldn't stop me from reading talks, books, articles, and talking to family and friends to learn all that I can. That shouldn't stop me from praying, reading, pondering, and fasting to be able to follow the Lord's plan for me in the timing that he has set for me. I think these issues are critical but each of us needs to pray and discover the individual plans that the Lord has set out for us.
Madison Busenbarkhttp://madisenb-fam.blogspot.com/
Jaclyn Keenerhttp://jaclynkeenerthefamily.blogspot.com/
Amanda Delgadohttp://mrsadelgado.blogspot.com/
Jaclyn Keenerhttp://jaclynkeenerthefamily.blogspot.com/
Amanda Delgadohttp://mrsadelgado.blogspot.com/
Jennifer Schlegelmilch
Brighton Fieldinghttp://brightonfamilyrelations.blogspot.com/
Rachel Soderquist http://sunny-mayrae.blogspot.com/
Meagan Iviehttp://theivieplace.blogspot.com/
Mike Merrillhttp://guesswhatilearnedrecently.blogspot.com/
Maddie Prows http://maddiesfamilyrelations.blogspot.com/
Rebecca Ard http://beccaard.blogspot.com/
Rachel Soderquist http://sunny-mayrae.blogspot.com/
Meagan Iviehttp://theivieplace.blogspot.com/
Mike Merrillhttp://guesswhatilearnedrecently.blogspot.com/
Maddie Prows http://maddiesfamilyrelations.blogspot.com/
Rebecca Ard http://beccaard.blogspot.com/
Monday, September 19, 2011
Thoughts on our topics in class
Just to start off I'll tell you a little about myself. My name is Merrilee Leslie. I just got married a little over three weeks ago. It is absolutely incredible being married. I love it, but I must say it brings you to a whole different world that you were living in when you were single. It's different but it is so amazing. I get to have someone by my side all the time and we work together to strengthen our testimonies and to increase our knowledge and to come to know God. I can't think of anything better than that. I'm excited to take this course and to learn ways that I can strengthen my marriage and to boot out the selfish part of me that I could keep when I was single.
Here are my thoughts from last week:
This last week in class we have discussed a lot of things that we want to cover in class. As I was sitting there listening to everyone name things that they would like to study in this course my mind would ver off and I would think about the topics they stated. One of the things someone mentioned wanting to learn about was when we get married how much should we isolate ourselves from our friends and maybe even our family. I though this question was interesting and because I just got married I too wanted to know the answer. Both my husband and I have families that live close and they are very supportive and very involved. Family is an amazing thing and I don't know what I would do without them. But, now that I'm married even my family has a different role in my life. Growing up whenever I needed to talk or had a problem I went to my mom. I've been doing that ever since. Now that I"m married though it changes that. Every time I need to talk or have a concern I still want to call my mom but I try to remember that I need to talk to my husband first. That willingness to go to him instead of her opens doors of communication and it brings us closer.
Next, I'm extremely close to my sisters. When things are difficult I want to call them and talk to them too. The transition to marriage isn't the easiest thing in the world. I still have a lot of desires to do things the way I want them or the way I used to do them. I often want to have my husband do things the way I do because then I think that everything would run smoother. Maybe it would maybe it wouldn't, but that desire to want things a certain way makes things harder. I often want to call my sisters or my mom and discuss with them these things and what I should do. Honestly I don't know exactly where the line is. When should I call them? When should I talk to my husband? When should I just let it go? These are all interesting questions that no one really teaches you.
Now, books are my everything but to read them takes time and a willingness to ponder the things they say. Sometimes I want a quick answer so calling the family seems easier but maybe not the best choice.
Another thing that I wonder about is how much to involve our families in our decisions. Our families are always telling us things they think would be good or that we need to do but sometimes that bugs me because I want to talk to my husband about those things. I don't want other people to tell us that we should get a job or we should do certain things. I think those are things that my husband and I should discuss and then tell our families what we have decideded. Currently that isn't the case for us and it drives me crazy sometimes but I hope to be able to change that.
Here are my thoughts from last week:
This last week in class we have discussed a lot of things that we want to cover in class. As I was sitting there listening to everyone name things that they would like to study in this course my mind would ver off and I would think about the topics they stated. One of the things someone mentioned wanting to learn about was when we get married how much should we isolate ourselves from our friends and maybe even our family. I though this question was interesting and because I just got married I too wanted to know the answer. Both my husband and I have families that live close and they are very supportive and very involved. Family is an amazing thing and I don't know what I would do without them. But, now that I'm married even my family has a different role in my life. Growing up whenever I needed to talk or had a problem I went to my mom. I've been doing that ever since. Now that I"m married though it changes that. Every time I need to talk or have a concern I still want to call my mom but I try to remember that I need to talk to my husband first. That willingness to go to him instead of her opens doors of communication and it brings us closer.
Next, I'm extremely close to my sisters. When things are difficult I want to call them and talk to them too. The transition to marriage isn't the easiest thing in the world. I still have a lot of desires to do things the way I want them or the way I used to do them. I often want to have my husband do things the way I do because then I think that everything would run smoother. Maybe it would maybe it wouldn't, but that desire to want things a certain way makes things harder. I often want to call my sisters or my mom and discuss with them these things and what I should do. Honestly I don't know exactly where the line is. When should I call them? When should I talk to my husband? When should I just let it go? These are all interesting questions that no one really teaches you.
Now, books are my everything but to read them takes time and a willingness to ponder the things they say. Sometimes I want a quick answer so calling the family seems easier but maybe not the best choice.
Another thing that I wonder about is how much to involve our families in our decisions. Our families are always telling us things they think would be good or that we need to do but sometimes that bugs me because I want to talk to my husband about those things. I don't want other people to tell us that we should get a job or we should do certain things. I think those are things that my husband and I should discuss and then tell our families what we have decideded. Currently that isn't the case for us and it drives me crazy sometimes but I hope to be able to change that.
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