Today in particular I really began to understand how difficult it can be to blend families. There are so many obstacles to overcome with our own personal feelings, friends, families, the kids. There are so many things to consider and to work through. I really appreciated our guest speaker today and the insights that she shared with us. Brother Williams played a song by Brad Paisley about a boy and his single mother getting married again. He described what his father was for him and that he didn't have to be half of what he was. Then he goes on to say that he hopes he can be half the father that his father was to him. This song was incredibly powerful to me because there are so many challenges to overcome when blending families and then to be able to move past that into so much more is so amazing.
My sister is in a blended family right now and I look at her husband and hope that my sisters kids will be able to say that to him one day. Their biological father probably never should have been a father which has been so hard to see them deal with. I appreciate the man my sister married and that he tries to be a good father to them. It is so great to see families overcoming the obstacles that can often break a new family apart.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
Parenting
For as long as I can remember I have thought about having my own kids and what things will work with them. I can remember when I was 11-12 years old checking out books from the library about working with children. Then I would take them and read them and copy them at my dad's office. I would put them into folders so that I could keep them and use them when I had children.
Now that I am married and the possibility of having children is quite real now I still have that passion for children. I love learning about children and what things will work with them. My greatest desire for as long as I can remember is to be a good mother. Except, now that being a parent is so close to reality I am terrified--a feeling I don't really remember having when I was younger. Of course, we always doubt our abilities to perform and for me I worry about my qualities and what things I will teach my children. I still have that deep desire to be a mother. I feel like a lot of the things I have been through in my life so far have helped me gain the qualities and knowledge I needed to be a mother and to help my future children.
I love learning in my classes different strategies and ideas to help discipline children and how we can really master the idea of parenthood--to teach our children to become independent and worthy. In another class I am taking we have discussed that parenthood is an apprenticeship to Godhood. It is how we learn to become like God because he is our Heavenly Father and we are all His children therefore we must learn what it is like to be a parent. This ultimately teaches us to become like God. When you think of parenting in this way I think it changes your perspective about it. It helps us to want to raise our children in the way Heavenly Father raises us and teaches us. It also helps us to build our character so that we can become like God. What an incredible blessing HF has given us!
For as long as I can remember I have thought about having my own kids and what things will work with them. I can remember when I was 11-12 years old checking out books from the library about working with children. Then I would take them and read them and copy them at my dad's office. I would put them into folders so that I could keep them and use them when I had children.
Now that I am married and the possibility of having children is quite real now I still have that passion for children. I love learning about children and what things will work with them. My greatest desire for as long as I can remember is to be a good mother. Except, now that being a parent is so close to reality I am terrified--a feeling I don't really remember having when I was younger. Of course, we always doubt our abilities to perform and for me I worry about my qualities and what things I will teach my children. I still have that deep desire to be a mother. I feel like a lot of the things I have been through in my life so far have helped me gain the qualities and knowledge I needed to be a mother and to help my future children.
I love learning in my classes different strategies and ideas to help discipline children and how we can really master the idea of parenthood--to teach our children to become independent and worthy. In another class I am taking we have discussed that parenthood is an apprenticeship to Godhood. It is how we learn to become like God because he is our Heavenly Father and we are all His children therefore we must learn what it is like to be a parent. This ultimately teaches us to become like God. When you think of parenting in this way I think it changes your perspective about it. It helps us to want to raise our children in the way Heavenly Father raises us and teaches us. It also helps us to build our character so that we can become like God. What an incredible blessing HF has given us!
Monday, November 21, 2011
I thought our discussion today in class was interesting. We were learning about finances but we integrated that into the family systems theory. We discussed different ways that finances can affect all the members in the family. One part of the discussion that I really liked was when we were talking about ways that parents can involve their children in finances. I think that there comes a time when parents need to show their children where the money goes because I don't think children understand all the different expenses that come with living. I remember that growing up I didn't eve know what my parents were paying for all of my brothers missions. That is a huge expense and I knew nothing about it! So rather than simply telling children that we don't have money maybe show them that we pay the house bill, the car bill, insurance, food, medical, utilities, retirement, etc. Then they can see that money is coming in but by the time you pay for all the things you eat and the nice place you live then you have to budget and decide together where you want to spend your money.
I believe that this helps children so that they don't just resent that they parents don't have money but that they will be grateful for all the things their parents do for them. Even though some parents might have enough money to cover all these expenses and way more I still think it is important to show children where the money is going and all the things that you pay toward so they don't think that money just comes easily. They will see that it takes hard work.
I also liked today that Brother Williams pointed out that budgeting and finances allows married couples to sit down together to work out and make decisions. Without money being involved these skills wouldn't be learned. It is a great opportunity to learn to work together. I had never thought of it this way. Often I am overwhelmed by budgeting and finances and I don't look forward to talking about it, but now that I have a slightly different perspective about it maybe that can change. I love learning to work together with my husband and to learn to communicate effectively and I think learning to manage money is one way that we can do that together.
I believe that this helps children so that they don't just resent that they parents don't have money but that they will be grateful for all the things their parents do for them. Even though some parents might have enough money to cover all these expenses and way more I still think it is important to show children where the money is going and all the things that you pay toward so they don't think that money just comes easily. They will see that it takes hard work.
I also liked today that Brother Williams pointed out that budgeting and finances allows married couples to sit down together to work out and make decisions. Without money being involved these skills wouldn't be learned. It is a great opportunity to learn to work together. I had never thought of it this way. Often I am overwhelmed by budgeting and finances and I don't look forward to talking about it, but now that I have a slightly different perspective about it maybe that can change. I love learning to work together with my husband and to learn to communicate effectively and I think learning to manage money is one way that we can do that together.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Communication
This week we have been discussing communication. Communication is vital in families and it must start with the husband and wife in marriage.
In my family growing up we didn’t communicate a lot. I talked with my mom a lot about things that were going on with me and I was able to talk to her pretty easy unless there was a problem. If there was a problem in the family that’s when communication stopped which is ironic because that is when it should be the strongest. I remember when my older siblings were going through a lot of problems in their marriages all of us kids knew that something was wrong but my parents rarely said anything about it to us. If we asked they shrugged it off and would kind of sweep it under a rug. It was so frustrating to me to not be able to talk about things and to not be able to simply discuss it with my parents. I craved to be able to talk openly and ask questions about things I didn’t understand and to receive support from them but it didn’t happen.
It was always a pet peeve of mine that we didn’t talk. I hated it. I felt that it brought a barrier between my parents and us. I especially seemed to have a problem with it because I seek to have open communication and to know what is going on. It makes me feel better than to be left in the dark. I can think of countless times that I tried to talk to my mom about things but she never responded much. When I got older we were able to talk a little more but there is still a point where I know she’s not going to go past. It’s sad to me that we can’t get past that point too. We can talk about anything unless it’s a sensitive or upsetting problem. Then the doors close.
With my children I want to do something different. We always talk about how if we aren’t aware of things we’ll do the same as our family did. I have become aware of this and I want to make a change for my family. I try to do it now with my husband but it’s hard because all I’ve really seen is to just let things go unsaid and act as if they aren’t there. Sometimes I don’t want to bring things up with my husband but I remember my ultimate goal of how I want my family to be. That always keeps me going and helps me to make changes.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Family Crisis
In my family we have been through a lot of crisis. Some of which has brought us closer together but I realized something as I was thinking about my relationship with my parents and my relationship with my siblings during each crisis.
First, my parents handled each one I think through avoidance. They didn't talk to us about the problems and they never told us the details. When something was going on it's almost if they were saying it didn't exist for us kids. They were figuring things out but we knew nothing. I'm sure that they thought they were helping us by not getting us involved or caught up but we all knew when something wasn't right with the family. It was worse to wonder in confusion and by ourselves than it would have been to have the support of our parents helping us to understand each situation.
I didn't really talk to my siblings much either when things were going on because our only example was to not talk but later I have talked to them about the things that happened in our family. We were able to open up and express our feelings about many things which has really helped me to grow closer to them. Then when things continue to come up in our family I always feel like I can go to my siblings and talk to them. It's very comforting. Unfortunately with my parents I don't really feel the same way. When we continue to have different problems come I still don't feel like I can talk to my parents and they still avoid the problems with us. It's hard to see them do that to us because it put a barrier between the kids and them.
Now that I have seen that example I have promised myself that I will talk to my children about things. In my marriage right now I try to discuss all the necessary things that come up so that we can be open with each other. I want to do the same with my kids. As we have also been talking this week it is important to build those skills while nothing has happened so that when problems rise we can have a strong foundation to fall back on. I think that is vital. My husband and I are working on it every day, which it takes that kind of work. It doesn't just happen and when you don't do something to change the examples you've had you'll fall back into that same pattern as your parents or family. I don't want to do this so I'm glad that I'm aware and I can do something to change it.
First, my parents handled each one I think through avoidance. They didn't talk to us about the problems and they never told us the details. When something was going on it's almost if they were saying it didn't exist for us kids. They were figuring things out but we knew nothing. I'm sure that they thought they were helping us by not getting us involved or caught up but we all knew when something wasn't right with the family. It was worse to wonder in confusion and by ourselves than it would have been to have the support of our parents helping us to understand each situation.
I didn't really talk to my siblings much either when things were going on because our only example was to not talk but later I have talked to them about the things that happened in our family. We were able to open up and express our feelings about many things which has really helped me to grow closer to them. Then when things continue to come up in our family I always feel like I can go to my siblings and talk to them. It's very comforting. Unfortunately with my parents I don't really feel the same way. When we continue to have different problems come I still don't feel like I can talk to my parents and they still avoid the problems with us. It's hard to see them do that to us because it put a barrier between the kids and them.
Now that I have seen that example I have promised myself that I will talk to my children about things. In my marriage right now I try to discuss all the necessary things that come up so that we can be open with each other. I want to do the same with my kids. As we have also been talking this week it is important to build those skills while nothing has happened so that when problems rise we can have a strong foundation to fall back on. I think that is vital. My husband and I are working on it every day, which it takes that kind of work. It doesn't just happen and when you don't do something to change the examples you've had you'll fall back into that same pattern as your parents or family. I don't want to do this so I'm glad that I'm aware and I can do something to change it.
Friday, November 4, 2011
This week we discussed marital intimacy. There were many points that were brought up that I had never thought about before. First we were discussing Satan and how he uses sex as temptation before marriage. He urges and does everything he can to get couples to mess up and to take things too far so that they can't go to the temple to be married. After marriage though the roles switch. He tries to keep husband and wives away from intimacy and tries to bring frustration and negative thoughts with it.
Obviously marital intimacy has an important role or Satan would not use such energy to destroy something that can be so beautiful. In marriage it can bring a couple together in a way that nothing else can. It gives that couple the power to procreate and to become parents. Parenthood is our work here on earth for Godhood in the eternities. When you begin to understand the power and plan that is set out it is no wonder that Satan is doing all he can to ruin things.
I think being aware that Satan will do all in his power to stop us from having this power and working to become like Gods is vital to understand. Then when problems arise, when frustration occurs, when feelings are misunderstood, we can remember that Satan is doing all he can to break us apart. When we realize that we can think more logically and try to understand what lies behind the problems we are faced with.
Marital intimacy has such an important role in marriage. I think it is so important to realize that it doesn't go smoothly at first. We shouldn't feel like everything must be perfect in the way that husband and wife interact with each other on a variety of levels including emotional, social, spiritual, and physical. I think the best thing you can do is to keep working at it together always having open communication so that Satan can't place negative thoughts in your head and keep you apart from each other.
Obviously marital intimacy has an important role or Satan would not use such energy to destroy something that can be so beautiful. In marriage it can bring a couple together in a way that nothing else can. It gives that couple the power to procreate and to become parents. Parenthood is our work here on earth for Godhood in the eternities. When you begin to understand the power and plan that is set out it is no wonder that Satan is doing all he can to ruin things.
I think being aware that Satan will do all in his power to stop us from having this power and working to become like Gods is vital to understand. Then when problems arise, when frustration occurs, when feelings are misunderstood, we can remember that Satan is doing all he can to break us apart. When we realize that we can think more logically and try to understand what lies behind the problems we are faced with.
Marital intimacy has such an important role in marriage. I think it is so important to realize that it doesn't go smoothly at first. We shouldn't feel like everything must be perfect in the way that husband and wife interact with each other on a variety of levels including emotional, social, spiritual, and physical. I think the best thing you can do is to keep working at it together always having open communication so that Satan can't place negative thoughts in your head and keep you apart from each other.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Transitions to Marriage
This week we have been talking about the transitions to marriage. I think it is an important subject to discuss because once you are married you don't know how to transition all your own. That knowledge that you need you have to learn and understand and make an effort to make marriage great.
I have been married now for 2 months so the information that we have discussed this week has been so helpful. I have had so many questions since I've gotten married about ways that I can improve. There have been many things that I haven't understood about the way my husband and I are interacting or the way we are communicating that I understand a lot better.
We discussed the different things that newlyweds need to be working on.
-building a foundation
-learning how to resolve conflict
-communication
-establishing roles
I think that talking about how you will resolve conflict is really important because when conflicts arise if you haven't talked about it you do what comes naturally. In a marriage I think it is vital to think about all aspects and to not let what comes natural to happen. When that happens I think that husband and wife can hurt each other's feelings and build patterns and habits that they don't want to but they do so without realizing it. If we talk about all aspects within our marriage and what results we want to have then we can be proactive about building the patterns and habits we want to build for life.
This is important also to build a strong marriage because when kids come the marriage will remain strong. Marital satisfaction doesn't have to decrease when children come but I think the way we handle that is a lot of effort on the husband and wife before the kids come. We can't sit around and expect to have a great marriage and a great family without any effort on our part!
I have been married now for 2 months so the information that we have discussed this week has been so helpful. I have had so many questions since I've gotten married about ways that I can improve. There have been many things that I haven't understood about the way my husband and I are interacting or the way we are communicating that I understand a lot better.
We discussed the different things that newlyweds need to be working on.
-building a foundation
-learning how to resolve conflict
-communication
-establishing roles
I think that talking about how you will resolve conflict is really important because when conflicts arise if you haven't talked about it you do what comes naturally. In a marriage I think it is vital to think about all aspects and to not let what comes natural to happen. When that happens I think that husband and wife can hurt each other's feelings and build patterns and habits that they don't want to but they do so without realizing it. If we talk about all aspects within our marriage and what results we want to have then we can be proactive about building the patterns and habits we want to build for life.
This is important also to build a strong marriage because when kids come the marriage will remain strong. Marital satisfaction doesn't have to decrease when children come but I think the way we handle that is a lot of effort on the husband and wife before the kids come. We can't sit around and expect to have a great marriage and a great family without any effort on our part!
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