Family Crisis

In my family we have been through a lot of crisis. Some of which has brought us closer together but I realized something as I was thinking about my relationship with my parents and my relationship with my siblings during each crisis.
First, my parents handled each one I think through avoidance. They didn't talk to us about the problems and they never told us the details. When something was going on it's almost if they were saying it didn't exist for us kids. They were figuring things out but we knew nothing. I'm sure that they thought they were helping us by not getting us involved or caught up but we all knew when something wasn't right with the family. It was worse to wonder in confusion and by ourselves than it would have been to have the support of our parents helping us to understand each situation.

I didn't really talk to my siblings much either when things were going on because our only example was to not talk but later I have talked to them about the things that happened in our family. We were able to open up and express our feelings about many things which has really helped me to grow closer to them. Then when things continue to come up in our family I always feel like I can go to my siblings and talk to them. It's very comforting. Unfortunately with my parents I don't really feel the same way. When we continue to have different problems come I still don't feel like I can talk to my parents and they still avoid the problems with us. It's hard to see them do that to us because it put a barrier between the kids and them.

Now that I have seen that example I have promised myself that I will talk to my children about things. In my marriage right now I try to discuss all the necessary things that come up so that we can be open with each other. I want to do the same with my kids. As we have also been talking this week it is important to build those skills while nothing has happened so that when problems rise we can have a strong foundation to fall back on. I think that is vital. My husband and I are working on it every day, which it takes that kind of work. It doesn't just happen and when you don't do something to change the examples you've had you'll fall back into that same pattern as your parents or family. I don't want to do this so I'm glad that I'm aware and I can do something to change it.