This week as we have been talking about dating and what love is, it has been interesting for me to make connections within my own dating experiences and within my marriage that apply to this. My husband and I have known each other since our freshman year so for about seven years now. In high school we were best friends and there was rarely a time that we weren't together. I felt like I could confide in him and tell him anything. The greatest thing was the level of trust that we built with each other. I trusted him so much and I knew that he would never hurt me like so many guys had in my life. I loved doing everything with him. We dated a little in high school and there were some feelings toward each other but it never amounted to anything and we continued to be best friends. Then my husband (or at the time my best friend) left on a mission so we wrote each other pretty much every week for two years. When he came home I wasn't expecting anything but when we saw each other things started right away.
I would attribute that to a couple things. First, I had been heartbroken during the time that he was gone from a previous boyfriend and from that point on I felt I couldn't trust anyone. Second, when Cameron came home our sense of friendship and caring for each other was very evident and had increased since he left. We were so much apart of each other's lives we wanted the best for one another. There was an obvious love from a friend standpoint. When he came home and all those things were present and we were at a point where we could turn that love into something more it happened just that way. I knew I could trust him and because of the strong foundation we had built for years on trust, friendship, caring, kindness, devotion, and loyalty when we began dating everything worked so well. I was completely in love with him and felt so comfortable and safe.
The things I've just described seems to be the ideal way to love someone. We have that basis of friendship and caring about the other that we are able to love one another now in a whole different way. I can't describe how amazing it is to have a relationship like that. Not everyone gets the chance to marry their best friend, and I really mean their best friend before there was any love interest. It's been an incredible blessing in my life to have a friend and now husband like I do. For me, it worked out the best this way for my personality and things that could have been harder another way. There is a caring and loving Heavenly Father behind this I know.
So stating that example was not to brag or boast, but to help me understand the levels of love. I didn't understand these things when I was in high school and I think often I misattributed my feelings for love when they had nothing to do with that. Now that I understand these things better I hope to be a source for friends and family that need it but ultimately my children. I hope to help them understand these things so that maybe they can avoid some heartache (not all) and can have healthy relationships that prepare them for marriage.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Gender and the different roles that men and women have is a very interesting topic. This week we have questioned typical behaviors of men and women and where those come from. First I want to say that I was interested in these topics before I was married but now that I am married this topics are crucial to understand in a marriage.
The first reason why I believe it is crucial to understand the other gender, why they do what they do, and what their roles are is because without that understanding you will not understand the reason for most of the arguements and issues that rise in marriage. I believe that sometimes we think that our spouses are bad or difficult or someone we can't work with anymore simply because we are having issues understanding where they are coming from because it is foreign to us.
For example I marriaged my best friend of seven years. I knew everything about him and he knew everything about me. We had been best friends so long and then fell in love that transitioning into marriage just seemed like the next step. After we were married though I realized that there were a lot of things that he did or said that I couldn't understand. I have dated a lot of dumb guys in the past so as I was pondering this I realized that the things I just couldn't understand weren't because he was a bad guy but simply because he was a guy. I have lived with my best girl friend for three years at college so it was difficult changing to living with my husband. He didn't do the things she would and he didn't pick up on my cues like my best friend used to. I had learned to work together with my best friend in cleaning and making meals and doing homework and once I was married I had to learn that all over again. It was just interesting to me because sometimes I expected my husband to do the things my best friend used to but then I remembered that my marriage was totally different. I learned and am still learning to transition to living with a man and ti figure out the way he did things so I could understand our relationship better.
Second, I believe that it is so important to understand the roles that each of us have and especially in our marriage. Once I got married I thought it was funny how quickly the roles for both of us became apparent. It was immediete, but the roles fit and it felt right the things that both of us were doing. As I noticed this I recognized a thoughtful and loving Heavenly Father whose plan is divine and who has given us divine roles to fill. It is part of His plan and those roles are glorious that He gave us. They are not useless and despised as the world often portrays them. I am grateful to be apart of such a plan because it feels so right and I am grateful that I get to be apart of something so great.
The first reason why I believe it is crucial to understand the other gender, why they do what they do, and what their roles are is because without that understanding you will not understand the reason for most of the arguements and issues that rise in marriage. I believe that sometimes we think that our spouses are bad or difficult or someone we can't work with anymore simply because we are having issues understanding where they are coming from because it is foreign to us.
For example I marriaged my best friend of seven years. I knew everything about him and he knew everything about me. We had been best friends so long and then fell in love that transitioning into marriage just seemed like the next step. After we were married though I realized that there were a lot of things that he did or said that I couldn't understand. I have dated a lot of dumb guys in the past so as I was pondering this I realized that the things I just couldn't understand weren't because he was a bad guy but simply because he was a guy. I have lived with my best girl friend for three years at college so it was difficult changing to living with my husband. He didn't do the things she would and he didn't pick up on my cues like my best friend used to. I had learned to work together with my best friend in cleaning and making meals and doing homework and once I was married I had to learn that all over again. It was just interesting to me because sometimes I expected my husband to do the things my best friend used to but then I remembered that my marriage was totally different. I learned and am still learning to transition to living with a man and ti figure out the way he did things so I could understand our relationship better.
Second, I believe that it is so important to understand the roles that each of us have and especially in our marriage. Once I got married I thought it was funny how quickly the roles for both of us became apparent. It was immediete, but the roles fit and it felt right the things that both of us were doing. As I noticed this I recognized a thoughtful and loving Heavenly Father whose plan is divine and who has given us divine roles to fill. It is part of His plan and those roles are glorious that He gave us. They are not useless and despised as the world often portrays them. I am grateful to be apart of such a plan because it feels so right and I am grateful that I get to be apart of something so great.
Friday, October 7, 2011
I have really liked learning about diversity and cultures in class this week. We discussed all the things that can make up different diversity in families and there are many ways that can occur. Brother Williams asked the question why are we learning about diversity and culture in this class? I think learning about those things gives great insight into families and why they do what they do.
For example this last May I went to Africa with my brother to do humanitaritan work. We were there for just over 5 weeks and then we went on to visit London and Paris on the way home. This experience completely changed my view and perspective of families and especially my family. As I saw families in Africa do certain things it would cause me to look at my family and our traditions and rules and I began to understand them a lot better. Although what the families in Africa were doing seemed so foreign to me I didn't understand how they could live like that at first, but then I realized that they didn't know any different just as I didn't know any different until I left my country. I don't believe that there is any complete right or wrong for the ways families do things. Our culture is the greatest influence on how we act and think I believe. Even after being in Africa for only 5 weeks the way I did things started to change. For example washing my clothes by hand and hanging them up to dry was just the way you did your laundry and taking a bucket shower every day wasn't so absurd after awhile. I looked forward to those bucket showers! My showers were al least with hot water and I knew a lot of people that only had cold water. So I began to think that the way that my family in America did things wasn't absolutely right it was just the way that we had grown up and the things that we had learned how to do.
I strongly believe that culture plays a large part in the way families act and behave. So as we study cultures and diversity and how those can be different in different cultures I think it can really help us to understand why families gain traditions, set rules, have certain roles, etc. Without understanding those things we would never be able to really understand a family. I think it is just like the family systemss theory. We can't fully understand an individual by looking at the individual by himself we have to look at the whole family to understand. I think it is the same way with culture and family. We have to understand their culture to understand the family.
For example this last May I went to Africa with my brother to do humanitaritan work. We were there for just over 5 weeks and then we went on to visit London and Paris on the way home. This experience completely changed my view and perspective of families and especially my family. As I saw families in Africa do certain things it would cause me to look at my family and our traditions and rules and I began to understand them a lot better. Although what the families in Africa were doing seemed so foreign to me I didn't understand how they could live like that at first, but then I realized that they didn't know any different just as I didn't know any different until I left my country. I don't believe that there is any complete right or wrong for the ways families do things. Our culture is the greatest influence on how we act and think I believe. Even after being in Africa for only 5 weeks the way I did things started to change. For example washing my clothes by hand and hanging them up to dry was just the way you did your laundry and taking a bucket shower every day wasn't so absurd after awhile. I looked forward to those bucket showers! My showers were al least with hot water and I knew a lot of people that only had cold water. So I began to think that the way that my family in America did things wasn't absolutely right it was just the way that we had grown up and the things that we had learned how to do.
I strongly believe that culture plays a large part in the way families act and behave. So as we study cultures and diversity and how those can be different in different cultures I think it can really help us to understand why families gain traditions, set rules, have certain roles, etc. Without understanding those things we would never be able to really understand a family. I think it is just like the family systemss theory. We can't fully understand an individual by looking at the individual by himself we have to look at the whole family to understand. I think it is the same way with culture and family. We have to understand their culture to understand the family.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
This week learning about different theories of the family has been really interesting. As we have talked about each of the theories I understood myself and my family better and the things that we were doing. I thought oh that's why my mom or dad do this or that is why I do that when something happens. Theories are a great way to understand why people do what they do. They aren't laws or set in stone because what people do changes from person to person. So theories about these different things is a great way to understand the family better.
I also really liked our discussion on the family systems. I like the idea of the need to look at the family as a whole. I think often times it is so easy to look at an indivdual and place judgements or ideas about why they are acting the way that they are but without looking at their home life and what their family is like we can be very wrong about our assumptions.
Also, as we learned about sub-sets as part of the family systems theory I began to think about all the sub-sets in my family. I had never really understood before why we divided the way we did or chose to do things with certain siblings but after the idea of sub-sets I understood this much better. For instance my family has always put three of my siblings together and then the other three together. We divided them that way for a lot of reasons like the things we like to do, the way we think, the way we eat, the way we look a-like. We've always had this sub-set for as long as I can remember so learning about it helped me to understand my family better. I love all of my family but I do tend to relate and connect more with some of my siblings than the others.
Today we talked about family rules and the ones that we follow the most can sometimes be the unwritten or unspoken rules. In my family that was definately the case. They were the things that drove me crazy growing up. For example we didn't talk about somethings in my family like family problems or intimacy or anything like that. They were taboo subjects. I hated not being able to talk to them about these things because growing up I would have liked to talk to them and ask them questions about what was going on in our family.
I think it's really important to be aware of the unpoken rules that we have in our family. They can be positive or negative but if they are unspoken then children may not feel like they can talk to their parents about it. That is how I felt as a child and teenager and I didn't like it. So in my family I want to take a step back and make sure that I am realizing what those rules are and I want to make sure they are positive.
I also really liked our discussion on the family systems. I like the idea of the need to look at the family as a whole. I think often times it is so easy to look at an indivdual and place judgements or ideas about why they are acting the way that they are but without looking at their home life and what their family is like we can be very wrong about our assumptions.
Also, as we learned about sub-sets as part of the family systems theory I began to think about all the sub-sets in my family. I had never really understood before why we divided the way we did or chose to do things with certain siblings but after the idea of sub-sets I understood this much better. For instance my family has always put three of my siblings together and then the other three together. We divided them that way for a lot of reasons like the things we like to do, the way we think, the way we eat, the way we look a-like. We've always had this sub-set for as long as I can remember so learning about it helped me to understand my family better. I love all of my family but I do tend to relate and connect more with some of my siblings than the others.
Today we talked about family rules and the ones that we follow the most can sometimes be the unwritten or unspoken rules. In my family that was definately the case. They were the things that drove me crazy growing up. For example we didn't talk about somethings in my family like family problems or intimacy or anything like that. They were taboo subjects. I hated not being able to talk to them about these things because growing up I would have liked to talk to them and ask them questions about what was going on in our family.
I think it's really important to be aware of the unpoken rules that we have in our family. They can be positive or negative but if they are unspoken then children may not feel like they can talk to their parents about it. That is how I felt as a child and teenager and I didn't like it. So in my family I want to take a step back and make sure that I am realizing what those rules are and I want to make sure they are positive.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Research
This week we have been talking a lot about research. I think it is critical to understand research because most of the facts we hear about or the text we read is from research that someone has done and is now portraying to the world. We need to be able to tell if that research can be trusted or not.
Earlier this week we were discussing certain issues of the family and deciding if we thought they were a critical issue, a significant issue, or if they didn't matter. Here are a few we talked about: getting married later in life, having fewer children, etc. I have somewhat of a mixed opinion on these two topics. At first I said that they were critical and I still believe that they are in a gospel sense. If we get married later in life which ultimately leads to having children later in life than we are prolonging the Lord's plan. Getting married and having children is the most important part of his plan so I do see this as critical when people decide it isn't very important or it can wait after they have done what they want to do. But on the other side, some may not feel ready to get married and even after they are married the idea of having children can be terrifying. So how long do you give yourself to feel better about those things? Or do you just blindly follow what we have been told and take our fear out of the equation? I think that both of those aren't quite the answer.
For instance, I just got married a month ago and the idea of having kids really scares me. Although now that I'm married that desire seems to be stronger and stronger as time goew on yet, it is still scary. So sometimes I want to just wait until I feel ready, but what if I never feel ready? On that exception I've just allowed myself to justify not having children. So just have children as soon as possible? I don't think that is the best idea. I need to feel confident that I can handle that because if I don't I think having children will make marriage and family a lot harder than it has to be.
I think the answer to this is that we need to be preparing to do these things that the Lord has commanded us to do. I don't feel ready, but that shouldn't stop me from reading talks, books, articles, and talking to family and friends to learn all that I can. That shouldn't stop me from praying, reading, pondering, and fasting to be able to follow the Lord's plan for me in the timing that he has set for me. I think these issues are critical but each of us needs to pray and discover the individual plans that the Lord has set out for us.
Earlier this week we were discussing certain issues of the family and deciding if we thought they were a critical issue, a significant issue, or if they didn't matter. Here are a few we talked about: getting married later in life, having fewer children, etc. I have somewhat of a mixed opinion on these two topics. At first I said that they were critical and I still believe that they are in a gospel sense. If we get married later in life which ultimately leads to having children later in life than we are prolonging the Lord's plan. Getting married and having children is the most important part of his plan so I do see this as critical when people decide it isn't very important or it can wait after they have done what they want to do. But on the other side, some may not feel ready to get married and even after they are married the idea of having children can be terrifying. So how long do you give yourself to feel better about those things? Or do you just blindly follow what we have been told and take our fear out of the equation? I think that both of those aren't quite the answer.
For instance, I just got married a month ago and the idea of having kids really scares me. Although now that I'm married that desire seems to be stronger and stronger as time goew on yet, it is still scary. So sometimes I want to just wait until I feel ready, but what if I never feel ready? On that exception I've just allowed myself to justify not having children. So just have children as soon as possible? I don't think that is the best idea. I need to feel confident that I can handle that because if I don't I think having children will make marriage and family a lot harder than it has to be.
I think the answer to this is that we need to be preparing to do these things that the Lord has commanded us to do. I don't feel ready, but that shouldn't stop me from reading talks, books, articles, and talking to family and friends to learn all that I can. That shouldn't stop me from praying, reading, pondering, and fasting to be able to follow the Lord's plan for me in the timing that he has set for me. I think these issues are critical but each of us needs to pray and discover the individual plans that the Lord has set out for us.
Madison Busenbarkhttp://madisenb-fam.blogspot.com/
Jaclyn Keenerhttp://jaclynkeenerthefamily.blogspot.com/
Amanda Delgadohttp://mrsadelgado.blogspot.com/
Jaclyn Keenerhttp://jaclynkeenerthefamily.blogspot.com/
Amanda Delgadohttp://mrsadelgado.blogspot.com/
Jennifer Schlegelmilch
Brighton Fieldinghttp://brightonfamilyrelations.blogspot.com/
Rachel Soderquist http://sunny-mayrae.blogspot.com/
Meagan Iviehttp://theivieplace.blogspot.com/
Mike Merrillhttp://guesswhatilearnedrecently.blogspot.com/
Maddie Prows http://maddiesfamilyrelations.blogspot.com/
Rebecca Ard http://beccaard.blogspot.com/
Rachel Soderquist http://sunny-mayrae.blogspot.com/
Meagan Iviehttp://theivieplace.blogspot.com/
Mike Merrillhttp://guesswhatilearnedrecently.blogspot.com/
Maddie Prows http://maddiesfamilyrelations.blogspot.com/
Rebecca Ard http://beccaard.blogspot.com/
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